if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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