bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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