I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
