you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
