for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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