So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
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There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
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It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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