Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
