Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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