my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
