ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
