hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
