It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I'm having to shit out rocks
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
