I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
