Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
