just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
