There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
