I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I want her autograph on my taint
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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