I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
