So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
