so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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