tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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