You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You need Xanax blowdarts
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Randomize
