I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
