why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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