i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
