i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
