you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
