Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
