you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
