I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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