We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
