i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
im six kinds of drunk right now
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
