I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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