If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Randomize
