What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
