I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
