It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
