i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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