My sheets look like a crime scene.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He has the fingertips of a God
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
