so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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