I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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