absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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