I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
