I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
