Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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