My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
