yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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