you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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