Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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