You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
