there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
