I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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