he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
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Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
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If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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