he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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