You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
