I cockslap morals
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You are the jesus of drinking
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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