I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
