i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
