Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
