guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
