i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
