Got a toothbrush?
I look better un-naked...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
