Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Every concussion has its silver lining
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
