I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
i think my cat just said my name.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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