I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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