forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
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I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
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He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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