You're my little dorito
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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